The Bleach Talkshow
by AssassinDevil
Summary: A Bleach talkshow, where you can dare your favorite Bleach character! First story, not good at summaries
1. Chapter 1

In a dark area there suddenly was a flash of light on a figure.

It has it's hair up in a ponytail and wears a dark blue slightly tight shirt with shoulder pads and a mask covering the figure's mouth and nose thats connected to it, dark blue upper arm warmers, black fingerles gloves, white pants that stops under the knees, and black boots.

?: Hey everyone! You can call me Assassin. And this is my partner, Phoenix!

Then there was another flash of light on a figure that looks like a phoenix that walks on two feet and has wings on it's back.

Phoenix: Hello everyone.

Assassin: Well, this is a talkshow for our crazy Bleach characters that will do dares that YOU requested and they have to do it even if they don't wanna do it.

Phoenix: So, Master and I want all of you to review this fic and tell us your crazy dares.

Assassin: And mind the rating people. NO ADULT MATERIAL. But making out and stuff like that are welcome. Sooo...

Phoenix: R&R, and Master does not own Bleach and the characters. Tite Kubo does.


	2. Let The Torture Begin!

The stage , again, is suddenly lighten, showing the hosts.

Assassin: Hello again and thanks for the wonderful dares! And sorry if I took long to update this. School is being an ass to me right now.

Phoenix: And here are the Bleach crews.

As the curtains opened, a certain orange haired dude began to shout.

Ichigo: WHAT THE FUCK? WHERE THE HELL AM I? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU*points to Assassin*? AND WHERE THE HELL ARE MY PANTS*looking at his boxers that has pictures of chappy on it*?

Renji: Hah! Nice boxers Ichigo, did you went to the chappy convention last week? Mahahaha!

Ichigo: Why you...*holding his zanpakuto firmly*

Assassin: *moves between Ichigo and Renji in an instant* Hold up now. No need to make a fuss...yet.

Ichigo&Renji: Yet?

Assassin: Yet.

Rukia: Anyway, who are you and where are we?

Assassin: You can just call me Assassin and this is my pupil, Phoenix*points to a bowing Phoenix*. And where we are...a show...a crazy show ...

Hitsugaya: And how is it crazy, if I may ask*tries not to sound irritated*?

Phoenix: You all are gonna do a dare that our lovely reviewers give.

All Bleach Characters: WHAT?

Assassin: It's simple, really...Well, maybe some but it's gonna be fun I guarantee you. And you can go home as soon as possible if you just finish the dares for todays list. It won't take that long.

Urahara: Well, we do have been tired with our schedules. So, why not? Right, everyone?

Some gave a 'yeah' and others just nod their heads.

Assassin: Good. Now, Phoenix, would you do the honours?

Phoenix: Our first dare is from _Imou:_

_I want to kiss, hug and touch Ichigo's hair! xD_

Assassin: Phoenix! Get Imou here, ASAP!

Phoenix then opened a portal, flew into it, and came back seconds later with Imou in his hands

Assassin: *pointing to Ichigo* He's all yours sista.

Imou: OMG!*runs to Ichigo, jump on him and sucked the living hell out of him with full force while pulling his hair out*

Assassin: Wow. Three dares done with one move. What a great opening!*sensed Rukia's glare from behind her head* ummm... what I meant to say was...eeehh..Horrible! Absolutely terrible! Phoenix!

Phoenix: Understood, master.*break the two apart and push Imou into the portal*

Assassin: *moves in front of portal and shouted*Sorry! But don't forget to dare again , kay?

Ichigo: *panting heavily* ...huh..huhhuh...man what the heck was that all about?

Assassin: Like I told you, a dare.

Rangiku: Oooohh, now I'm really excited!

Hitsugaya: This is a complete waste of time. I'm going back to Soul Society*tries to make a gate, but failed* Huh? Why didn't the gate opened?

Assassin: We'll explain it later. Now, just continue with the dares. Phoenix.

Phoenix: Now the dare is from _hitsugayatoshirou1220:_

_i dare ichigo kiss rukia...in front of byakuya, no...in front of the gotei 13!XD_

Ichigo: Woaaa, now wait just a minu-!

Ichigo never got a chance to argue 'cause of Renji pushing him from behind to Rukia that was right in front of him. Then,...

CRASH!

Ichigo's lips collided with Rukia's. Their eyes were widened, but they soon started going out of control and pushed deeper into each others mouth.

Assassin:*pulls out a camera and start to broadcast it to all of gotei 13* This is gold!

Somewhere in Sereitei...

Kyouraku: * watched the recordings of Ichigo&Rukia on the tv of the bar he was currently in* Now thats how you enjoy life. Hey, Nanao-chan~ -!

Nanao: No

Kyorakou: *cries*Why?

Back at the talkshow...

The two lovers ran out air by now and break apart with flustered faces.

Assassin: Now, that aint bad now was it *smirk*?

Ichigo: Yeaa whatever...

Rukia: Sure...

Phoenix: Well then the final one for today is from _TheAnnoyingOne97 :__  
><em>

_Thanks for giving me the power to do whatever I want to them:) Here are the dares:_

_Ichigo- Conga!_

_Karin- Kiss Toshirou on the cheek[love this pairing! It's so cute!]_

_Rukia- Dress up as Rogue from X-Men and give Ichigo a kiss[and talk with a southern accent!]_

_Ichigo[again!]- Get a poster of Rukia(like the one your dad has of your mom) and do what you want to it[and make sure it's PG!]_

_Renji- Eat cake and watch TV[you can free load all you want!]_

_Urahara- Watch all Care Bear movies!_

_Rukia[again!]- Read one of my fanfics and say what you think about it._

_Isshin- Try to dress Ichigo into a Chappy costume!_

_Toshirou- Dress up as a baby with all of the baby stuff!_

_Rangiku- Force Chad to drink sake[always wanted to see the outcome:P]_

Assassin: Conga? You can't do it only with one person, right? Oh well, EVERYONE CONGA TIME!

Everyone then starts to make a line with Ichigo on the front and do the conga.(try to picture this yourself, I aint good making a dancing scene)

Rangiku: Owww. Lets do it again! And do it naked!

Ishida: Are you out of your mind? It is such an embarrassment.

Assassin: Do it when someone dares you to. Right now we finish todays list first. Now then *reads the dare list again*...Where's Karin?

Ichigo: Hey! No way I'm letting my sister kiss this brat!

Hitsugaya: I'm not a brat! And it's Hitsugaya – taichou to you.

Karin: Let's just get this done quick *kisses Hitsugaya on the cheek quickly*. There done.

Hitsugaya: *blush*

Hinamori: *glares at Karin*

Ichigo: How am I suppose to get a poster of Rukia?

Assassin: Figure this out by yourselve.

Isshin: Here you go son!*hands Ichigo a poster of Rukia*

Ichigo: Wha...?How did you get-...oh never mind. Hey Kon!

Kon: What is it Ichi~?

Ichigo: Here *hands the poster to Kon* It's all yours.

Kon: *starts to cuddle the poster*

Renji: Free cakes and TV! *eats a cake out of nowhere and watch TV*

Urahara: What is a care bear? *watch all the care bear movies* These are wonderful! I shall sell gigais is these forms! I'm going to experiment this on Kon*

Kon: *hides in a toilet*

Rukia: Terrible!

Assassin: You haven't even read the fics yet.

Rukia: I only love chappy!

Assassin: Great.

Isshin: *tries to put a chappy costume on Ichigo*

Ichigo: *run around the place*

* * *

><p>Meanwhile Rangiku and Hinamori has been pinning Hitsugaya and force all the baby material on him...Is that Hisagi holding a camera?<p>

Rangiku: *still pinning Hitsugaya* STOP STRUGGLING DAMMIT!

Hitsugaya: IM YOUR CAPTAIN STOP PINNING ME OR ILL FIRE YOU

Rangiku: GOOD LUCK FINDING ANOTHER ONE!

And they still kept going...

And going...

An-Wait. Are those diapers size XS?

...

Chad: ...

Assasin: Ummm...I guess thats it, for now? I dont know I'm new, you guys tell me.

Phoenix: Master does not own Bleach, Tite Kubo does.


	3. Shiny Stuff

And once again, we are gathered here today for a crazy event. Let's see hows the crews condition now.

Ichigo: *still in his chappy costume*

Renji: *still full from all his cakes*

Rukia: *reading a chappy comic(?)*

Hitsugaya: *traumatized by the baby stuff*

Rangiku: *diapers in hand*

Urahara: *still looking for Kon*

Kon: *still in toilet*

Isshin: *crying over his wife's poster*

Chad: ...

Assassin: Well...what do you say about yesterday?

Ichigo: You sick person!

Renji: Uugh...I am sick...

Rukia: *not listening to Assassin* WHY CAPTAIN CHAPPY? WHY?

Hitsugaya: *muttering to self* notababynotababy...

Phoenix: We dont want to waste time so here's the dare from _I am myself:_

_I dare Byakuya to shave his head and let himself get hit in the face with a cream pie._

Everyone: *stares at Byakuya*

Byakuya: *unsheath his zanpakuto* Senbonzakura Kageyoshi.

He starts to use his shikai to shave his own head off! Is he crazy? **(A/N: got this idea in the illustrated picture book when Renji had a hair cut and Byakuya jokes that he always cut his hair with Senbonzakura)**

Everyone (except Byakuya): BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!

Who knew Byakuyas head can shine more than Ikkaku!

Ikkaku: NO! It cant be!

Assassin: *throws a pie at Byakuya*

Now thats one shiny pie, dont you all agree?

Phoenix: *holding his laugh*...well...know from _donotlookatme :_

_very good, butvery mushy, so to fix that_

_give hollow ichigo the hogukyu and let him run wild p.s. enclosed in this review is a time machine to fix the damage that will inevitably happen_

HollowIchi: Yes! Destruction for all!

And so he starts destroying everything from a 60 inch plasma tv to Ichigo's pants.

Renji: Nice boxers

Ichigo: Thanks. Bought it at the Chappy Convention Center.

...

Assassin: Okay then I think thats enough *activates time machine*

Phoenix: Next is from _LadyDragonIchi__ :_

_sounds like fun, i think i'll dare ichi's hollow to go on a gag date with Ichigo, that alloud?_

Assassin: *looks at HollowIchi* hmmm...maybe another time. He's still crazy for power and I can't have random people suing me because of him.

Phoenix: Now from _TheAnnoyingOne97__ :_

_Me again! I laughed so hard when they did my dares :P New dares!:_

_Everyone: Conga while naked[this goes to you Rangiku!]  
>Urahara: Build those Care Bear Gigais!<br>Ichigo: Make me some strawberry short cake!  
>Rukia: Strip to your Chappy underwear! And wear strawberry socks!<br>Nanao: Give Kyorakou some love!  
>Yoruichi: Give a doggy a bath!<br>Hichigo: Give Rukia a kiss!  
>Dark Rukia: Pose for Ichigo!<br>Rangiku: Play the 'IT Drinking Game'!_

_That's all I can think of right now! Until next time!_

Everyone: *glares at Rangiku*

Rangiku: Te – hehe...well, it's fun isn't it?

Assasin: Just do it. I'm getting gold for this.

Everyone started stripping till all the audience went out cold after seeing so much skin... Let's skip this m'kay?

3 Hours later...

Rangiku: Hahaha...I told you it was fun, and we get to see each other naked!

Hitsugaya: This is such a humilliation for someone like me...

Urahara: Hmmm... I just need some furr, a manekin, and... KON! Where is he?

Kon: NO! I still have many goals before I die!

Assassin: Touching every girls boobs?

Rangiku: Ooh ooh! Touch mine! Touch mine!

Phoenix: Okay then...now Ichigo make does strawberry short cake.

Ichigo: Alright! I'm getting hungry.*starts baking*

Ishida: Why is there an image of chappy your apron?

Ichigo: It's free!*raise a cake* Done!

Rukia: Why do I have strip?

Assassin: I'll give you a 3 days pass for the Chappy Concert.

Rukia: Deal! *strips clothes* Now gimme those pass!

All boys: *blush**drool**nosebleed*

Nanao: Hmph. That pervert doesn't deserve any sort of affection for themselves.

Kyorakou: But Nana-!

Nanao: No.

Kyorakou: But-!

Nanao: No. *kicks Kyorakou's face*

Kyorakou: *faint*

Yoruichi: Ooooh doggy bath time!*bathe a random dog from thin air*

HollowIchi: DESTRUCTION AND SEX–!*thrown to a wall*

Rukia: Hmph. You're not good enough for me.

Rangiku: YAY! Drinking! *drinks barrels of beer*

Assassin: I don't think this is a game, but at least it has beer, right?

Kyorakou: *wake up* I SMELL BEER!

Nanao: *kick* DIE!

Kyorakou: *faint*

Assassin: Errr...right, well that's it for now. If you see random stuff and odd things just think it being a part of this fic, cause this is all about ramdomness. Hasta la vista! Wait, that means goodbye right?

Phoenix: Master does not own Bleach, Tite Kubo does.

Assassin: RIGHT?


End file.
